


So Not Broken

by Azeran



Series: So Not-! (Frostiron/Stoki) [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki-centric, M/M, Or twenty, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve wants to help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 12:30:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3569777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azeran/pseuds/Azeran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I don’t know how things work on Asgard, but it’s different here. We’re different, ok? And I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks. You’re my friend, and I care about you. I want you to be happy.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Not Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Loki has a lot of angst to deal with, and Steve has really protective instincts. Thank god I don't own Marvel, because I'd want to make this shit canon XD

There were so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to do--but after everything Steven had just told him, it was taking every granule of power that Loki possessed just to stand up straight and refrain from breaking down in a harsh torrent of shattered sobs. Because he felt shattered now, worked apart at the seams until every inch of him was vulnerable and open for attack. It was not so dissimilar from the torments he'd endured under the clutches of Thanos, except now there was no promise of redemption to act as a balm to the gaping wounds he could feel taking apart his carefully crafted armor. There was only pain, and the cruel reality of it all. 

Why had he ever trusted that accursed mortal? Why had he allowed him in close, when he knew it could only end in misery? He should have known better. He should have fought harder to keep his heart free of any entanglements. Perhaps then the knowledge of Tony's words wouldn't hurt so much.

"Loki." Steve's voice washed over him, but Loki took no comfort in it now. His concern only served as reminder to all the things that had occurred, the harsh words he'd heard shouted even from behind the closed kitchen door. Oh, Loki had tried his hardest to block them out. He didn't want to hear. But the noble captain had felt the need to inform him of all of Tony's crimes anyway. That damnable moral code was as much a curse as it was a blessing. "Loki, say something." 

"...Leave me be." Loki clasped the kitchen's marbled counter until his fingertips cut into the stone, rippling its surface with tiny cracks. They grew larger and larger until one ragged cry worked its way free from his lips, echoing across the room and resounding back on his tormented ears. Then there was Steven. Bright, intelligent Steven, who even now acted the caring guard and approached from behind, his steps slow, measured, easily giving away his position. So as not to spook him? "I am not some wild beast that needs taming," Loki spat through his teeth, feeling his skin break and the marble crack further, blood pooling in the tiny indentations. "Do not seek to corral me as if I were!"

"I'm not, Loki. See?" Stopping a scarce few inches from him, Steve laid a hand on his wrist and gently gripped it, the pad of his thumb grazing white skin. Loki should have jerked away, halfheartedly wanted to, yet the minute those oceanic blue eyes came within sight he lost all will to do anything but stand there and grip the counter tighter. "Do you remember what we talked about a week ago?" 

Of course he did. That night had been the true catalyst that sparked their blossoming friendship, forever engraved upon his memory. "No. But do enlighten me Steven. What precisely is it that I'm meant to remember? Because right now, the only thought on my mind is ripping Anthony limb from limb." Vengeful green turned on the captain then, reproach shimmering deep within the fogged hue. "You should have let me strike him. It is no less than what he deserves." 

"You're not wrong about that. But you would've regretted it later." Loki wasn't so sure about that. The sensation of his fist driving into flimsy mortal flesh would have done wonders for his temperament. His thoughts must have registered somewhere on his face, because Steve sighed and moved his hand to cover Loki's, never one breaking eye contact. "We talked about how you don't have to do everything alone. Remember? You have a team here, Loki. We're all here to back you up, whenever you need us." 

Fear and spite drove their claws into him, and the trickster released a choked laugh in response. "Is that so? Do you think Anthony now feels the same? It certainly didn't appear that way. Or perhaps I simply misconstrued his efforts to defend me. The suppression of my powers was not to be for his own selfish gain, but my safety! Of course! Why did I not see it before? It must be far simpler to protect your gilded bird when it is locked away in a cage designed to clip its very wings." 

To his credit, the only sign of Steve's anger was the slight tensing to his jaw. This was not the same man who had yelled at Tony and stood guard while Loki fought to scrape what was left of his pride off the floor. This was a man who knew his own strength, had a willpower to rival the gods, yet used them now only as an odd sort of wingman to his infallible patience. "That was never going to happen," Steve spoke quietly, though with no less impact because of it. "You know I wouldn't let him do that to you. None of us would. That's not the way friends treat each other. And I count us as friends, Loki. I think you do too." 

Loki could have imagined the wistful quality to his words, a longing for something more. Not that he had much time to dwell on it now, or even cared to do so. Tony's words resonated inside his head, soaking into the tissue and inking it forever with its vile presence. All he could think of was how abrasive he'd been, demanding things as if he were some high browed king, and everyone else his dedicated servants. Tony expected people to fall into place, whether they liked it or not...and sadly, Loki was included in that equation. The moment his so called territory had been threatened, the mortal lashed out like a beast, paying no mind to the harm caused by his gnashing jaws and teeth. 

"Is this friendship? I've known so little of it throughout my life, you'll have to forgive me if its inner workings are foreign to me." Loki shivered, ignoring the blood that had begun to seep out of the marble's cracks and drip onto the tile below. He could feel every shard of marble digging into his flesh, though the pain was nothing compared to that which he'd known in the past. Nor did it hold a candle to the agony tearing apart his heart. "Was Anthony not a friend, Steven? Did we not come together as bosom companions, in spite of all the odds stacked against us?" 

"I don't know. The way Tony was talking, your relationship seems pretty complicated." Two steps closer and Loki could see every inch of Steve in his peripheral vision. The sheer amount of emotion in his eyes was...it was frightening. Then they shifted and found his fingertips lodged in the broken counter, and every inch of that handsome face darkened with concern. "Loki, your hands-" 

Too late he wrenched away and freed his fingertips from their broken lodgings, the blood painting his skin in thin lines of brilliant crimson. “It’s nothing. This is nothing,” Loki rasped, and it wasn’t even a lie. Far worse was the misery of knowing how dangerous Tony’s selfishness really was. He was untrustworthy. The one person Loki would have thought he could rely on in this world, and yet he’d gone so far as to threaten him with the binding of his magic. Loki curled his hands into fists to staunch the bleeding and looked at Steve through his lashes, taking in the worried set of his jaw, how he was clearly only just refraining from touching him, checking him over himself. Such a blatant need to care…truly, he and Tony were as different as night and day. 

“I fear I’ve destroyed Anthony’s counter.” Gesturing to the cracked slab of marble before them, Loki chuckled to himself, taking little notice of its lifeless quality. “It is a poor substitution for his face.”

“Yeah, but a hell of a lot easier to fix later.” Steve apparently couldn’t wait any longer, and he took the trickster’s hands in his own with a frantic sort of need. The wounds scratched across his fingers were raw, though he knew they would come to heal in no time at all. They looked far worse than they were. But then Loki started to tremble, a hoarse, pathetic noise clawing its way out of his throat until he virtually collapsed within himself, Steve’s supportive grip the only thing that kept him from hitting the floor. He didn’t even stumble when Loki’s weight fell against him, the truest testament to the hidden strength behind his form. “Loki..” Steve laced his arms around him and held tight, sorrow turning his pity to ashes that clung to Loki’s skin, his hair, infecting every open sore caused by Tony’s callousness. “Loki, talk to me. What can I do to help?”

He was only vaguely aware of their knees touching the kitchen’s cold tile floor, or Steve’s thighs parting before he was pulled against that muscled chest. “What is there to be done? Anthony has already made his selfish intentions known. And he is still in possession of the means by which my power may be stripped from me.” Loki allowed himself the small comfort of closing his eyes, which served the dual purpose of hiding the tears he knew to be present at their corners, yearning to spill down his cheeks. He was not going to let Steve see him cry. “You should have taken the bracelet from him. Why did you not? Do you not think he’ll attempt my imprisonment again?”

“No. But if he tries, I’ll stop him.” There was a vehemence to Steve’s words that almost frightened him. Loki jerked in his arms, doe eyed and frantic, only to be subjected to one of those smooth skinned hands coming to grasp the side of his face as Steve leaned in and bumped their temples together. “Nothing’s going to happen to you. You’re safe. Ok? If Tony’s smart, he’ll destroy that damn bracelet and throw its remains into the ocean. Whatever happens to it though, I’m not going to let anyone threaten you like that again.” His gaze softened, warm and inviting as the sun drenched sea. “I’ll keep you safe.” 

Loki hesitantly dug his fingers into Steve’s shirt, marring it with rusty red patches where the blood had dried and crusted over. Thanos had demanded his complete subjugation in exchange for what he now realized had been so little in return, and Tony had retaliated in anger at the first sign of his desires being forgotten, turning his jealousy upon Loki with a nasty vengeance. No matter what speck of kindness or security Loki was granted, it never came free. There was always a price. “Is this another example of your friendship, Steven? Or does your charity come with an ulterior motive?” 

Steve frowned. “No, Loki, it doesn’t. Because it’s not charity.” He gripped the god’s forearms and tipped his head down, and though Loki tried his hardest not to meet that cerulean stare, he was drawn to it within seconds. There was something far too intense behind it, startling him into silence. “You really think that’s how things work, don’t you? God, Loki-” forlorn, Steve drew him closer and engulfed his slighter frame with his own, giving Loki one defining moment to resist, pull back, before those strong arms were around his waist. Loki never even considered resisting, not even when his head was tucked against a broad shoulder and held in place. “I don’t know how things work on Asgard, but it’s different here. We’re different, ok? And I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks. You’re my friend, and I care about you. I want you to be happy.”

“Happy…” Loki smothered a laugh against his shoulder. If only it didn’t sound like a cry. “Would it not be simpler to leave me as I am? Happiness is so fragile. I grow tired of picking up its shattered remnants when they fall at my feet, all for some fleeting hope of piecing together what should have been.” He clutched onto Steve a little tighter and refused to admit that he was crying, until the first few tears broke free and splashed the captain’s grey shirt. There was no stopping it after that. It all came rushing back to him; every betrayal, his ruthless corruption in the clutches of the void--the cruelty of Tony‘s actions. But worst of all, there was the agonizing misery of knowing that all this should have been expected. He should have realized that he could only end in failure. “Of course. Why did I never see?” He broke down, all of his masks slipping free. “It’s all for naught. No matter what I do, this shall always be the end result. Fate has finally claimed its divine retribution.” Loki hid his face as the tears flowed faster, a cold ache taking siege within his core. What could he do but embrace it, and speak his old woes. “I am so tired, Steven. So very, very tired…”

Whatever Steve was going to say completely disintegrated upon those words. Loki heard his upset, felt his muscles grow taut before Steve’s fingers buried in his hair and refused to let go. “You can’t think like that Loki. I know it’s hard, but you’re not alone in this. We’re all here with you. I’m here,” he stressed. “You don’t have to deal with this all by yourself. I’m not going to abandon you when you need me most. Friends stick by each other, until-” 

“Until the bitter end?” He wasn’t sure what made him say it. He’d meant it to be sarcastic, but there was an unsettling ring of truth to his words that stung uncomfortably. Steve was the sort to stand by someone’s side until all others had abandoned him, wasn’t he? Even when they were fighting an impossible fight. He just didn’t have it in him to abandon anyone, lost cause or not. “You’re really not going to leave, are you?” Loki sighed, giving in completely to the man’s hold and jamming his eyes shut to suppress the tears. “You’re a stubborn, big hearted fool..” 

“That’s me. Glad to see you’re finally catching on.” Steve smiled, and bittersweet or not, it made him feel a little better. Loki gave in and allowed himself to melt completely into Steve’s touch, the tears drying on his shirt, as well as Loki’s cheeks, a few ruddy patches coming off and marring his alabaster skin. But appearances were nothing right now. All he wanted to do was clutch onto the man until the pain stopped--or at least dulled to something more manageable. “It’s all going to be ok. We’ll figure this out together,” Steve whispered into his hair, leaning back against the kitchen bar as Loki all but sprawled against him and sought out his warmth, the comfort of his body. 

“I am not a fan of idle promises…” though it wasn’t. Loki recognized that, no matter that his mind and heart tried to tell him differently. Steve was not the sort of man to renegade on his word. He was a man of honor. “You are too good for me, Steven Rogers. I do not deserve you.” Not as a friend, or anything more. Fate had proven quite adequately that the only things coming to him were heartache and sorrow without end. Why else would Tony have betrayed him? Yet they had also given him Steve….Loki muffled a confused noise. He didn’t want to think about it anymore. All he wanted to do was rest, and maybe, just maybe, try to piece himself back together one last time. He owed their friendship that much.


End file.
